Lets be truthful, being a sissy is not easy. No matter how much easier it's become to express oneself today in a variety of gender roles, those who are stuck in between their birth gender, their societal constraints, personal relationships, and their Feminine desires, truly walk a tight rope that seems to have no end. I haveto think all sissies go through ebbs and flows in their own journey, and I'm certainly no different. Some sissies purge their clothing, some leave it behind for periods of time, only to come back to it's never ending calling. For me, I find my Feminine energy changes with the seasons.
As Lady Diva can attest to, when spring begins to come around, Devina turns into a raging sissy shecock whore, fueled by the same energy that makes nature horny in general. Conversely, each fall brings a lull in my sissy energy, and I sometimes struggle to find ways to stay truly connected to my inner gurl. This blog has always been instrumental in keeping me connected daily to who I really an inside. While the past many weeks has had me neglecting Devina in some sorts, I keep finding ways to keep her out of the shadows. My desire to join Womania Empire under Maitresse Cathie La Divine and Lady Diva, was born out of necessity to keep Devina active and relevant. By committing as Their submissive in word and deed, it prevents Devina from hiding away too long, and in the end, like most things that we need and are good for us, the struggle to fall into old habits requires reinforcements that prevent going back to what's comfortable.
This year has been a bit of a roller coaster ride. In some ways I've pushed Devina out further into the real world than ever before, and in others it's been a bit of a regression. I guess none of our sissy journeys are ever linear, and we all find ways to push and expand our boundaries within what we feel we can handle. My efforts and desires to reveal Devina to more and more Trans Women has been a source of pride to me. It's been wonderful to be seen and experienced in the hands of a Trans Woman as the real sissy that I want to be, and there is an extra sense of connection to my inner Femme in being taken by real throbbing Shecock when being fucked as a gurl in Feminine attire. It's next to impossible to go back from that, nor do I want to. The sad thing is it can limit one to the TS Women who are open to such encounters.
The unfortunate part of this year is that due to a variety of reasons, I haven't been sessioning with the Dommes in my life nowhere as much as I would like to and that bothers me. I truly love and adore those Women who have embraced me and allowed me to grow into what I've become. It eats away at me that I feel as if I'm being a bad sub. I think i feel that way each fall, as one looks at the harvest of a sissy year, so to speak, and one see's where they could have done more or been a better sissy, a better submissive. All we can do is recognize our shortcomings and try harder ina variety of ways to do better. We are imperfect beings, us sissies, and knowing that we'll never be perfect ( a Woman) it should never prevent us from trying to be as good as we can. I keep telling myself that anyway.
So as the autumn leaves fall, and the sun's energy slips lower into the sky, I keep my affirmations as best I can to try and be the best gurl I can be, faults, weaknesses, and all. Maybe this post was just an outward confirmation of my inner voice, but then again, aren't they all? :)